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Sunday, July 14th, 2002
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1:28 am
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This likely the last time I will post to this journal, from now on you will see me as ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) alabastard , I've relocated most of my friends list to the new journal, though there are some that I haven't heard from, never came to know, that I will leave up to them, it's fine with me either way. See you on the other side.
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| Friday, July 12th, 2002
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11:59 pm - Big news, must read
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I will slowly be phasing out this journal, as I've long tired of the ballerino name and have started a new journal under a new name, the ever more fitting alabastard
I still study and love the ballet, but it is not my life, nor is it my identity, and I need to join with my bastard brother in arms, dead_man
As I really do enjoy - and read - my friends list, I would like to ask each of you to add me if you would like to continue reading me, I will add you back, but I'll leave it up to you, as I won't be posting as much in the ballerino journal and will eventually like to phase it out in favour of the new one. I won't delete it, as I've enjoyed writing it, and I will post it as a link on my profile page for posterity. I will make it worth your while.
current mood:  excited
current music: Tristania
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6:51 pm
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Everyone should read the story "My name is Sam" posted by fieryredhead
... having volunteered for a shelter briefly, and been a foster father for several animals while down south, I remember this reality all too well, it was in the day before the no kill shelters, which are rare today still. So before you go to a pet store, check out your local shelter, you might just fall in love and save a life.
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6:25 am
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'twas a night of little sleep but much inspiration. Some nights I just can't shut the mind off, must go brew something or follow through on an idea. Hopefully I can remain awake through the castle session. The thread running through my head as I tried to sleep, I have a damned interesting and fine group of friends, growing all the time. I know I am not supposed to care about such mundane matters, but it isn't mundane to me.
I've been around long enough to learn and to know what really matters. Anything else is easily forgotten. Well, ta for now, I must be off.
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| Monday, July 8th, 2002
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12:48 am - Thee Chairs, at long last
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Now that I have the means, I will give a brief recapitulation the story of the chairs. I was early for a voice lesson and was killing time inside an antiques store, and as I was leaving these two chairs caught my eye, they were identical to chairs I had once owned, chairs that had been sold by a trusted friend while I was overseas. A friend had tipped me off that there were some chairs in here that were very "me", and I bought them, of course, and then cut away underneath and found - my own carved initials, just where I remembered marking them, though faded with time. Imagine my excitement, my chairs returned to me after so many years by pure chance. Well, here they are as they now look in my current home, all below. The pics of me I've removed for now, will be restituted elsewhere once some background lighting issues have been resolved causing odd spotting here and there.
Yes, yes, I've had no use for cut tags and the like up until now, avoided them even, to keep my journal a journal, but the time is nigh, and I finally do have the time, to go beyond and have some fun, and there will be a web page coming soon. You'll be seeing more colour from me, and some new pictures as well. Yes lillydrag this camera has indeed created a monster, and it is far more camera than I expected, I am very pleased.
Now for a peek at my home. More to follow this week.
Thee Chairs
Another Angle
More...
Again please!
< The Balcony
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| Friday, July 5th, 2002
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5:50 pm - Successful mission!
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I have now entered the digital age in regards to photography, having just purchased the Nikon CoolPix885 and a really nice scanner, to replace the one that wouldn't run with Windows XP. After visiting many stores, buying the scanner I've had my eyes on, and perusing the selection of cameras, I found myself at Target, of all places. They had three cameras I wanted to check out, and there just happened to be a professional photographer there who conversedwith me in depth about the various cameras and options, he uses the Nikons, and keeps this model as well as a $7000 SLR/digital combination. Adding this to what I do know about Nikon, it was no contest, the price was right, and so I bought it. It is so wee, I am used to my huge Pentax Manual camera. I'll be playing around for a bit before any results start to appear, starting tonight at the BBQ, but do look for upcoming photos and surprises.
Again, there is a BBQ tonight at Leila's place, right off Rts 16, 99, 60. Do stop by for meat and greet, even if you can't stay late, we've got the food and too many people off on vacation. Black Adder will be shown intermittently,from 8 on...see her jourbal for details.
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1:44 am - Fireworks all around
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Tonight we celebrated the holiday with millions of revelers about the city of Boston.
We arrived at the Castle lot by 9 as planned, among many others with the same idea, and waited for D and company, but they never showed, so we traipsed off along the treelined river pathways toward the Esplanade, figuring to get as close as possible without actually crowding onto the sea o' people. I'm touchy about lots of touching and extreme crowding. Clover was doing a funny jig most of the way, but we need not get into detail as to why :~) The air had cooled and the bombs were bursting in air all around us from various other fireworks displays around the neighboring cities. We ventured a lot farther than I'd thought we would, and we were directly opposite the firing barge for the show, which was spectacular and long as hoped, this, my first time seeing the Boston Extravaganza up close. While waiting for the lemmings to lurch their way upstream and off the river we sat on the banks and reveled in the lapping waves and cool breezes, watched the people parade by us dutifully, and sneered at the sheer volume of litter for this celebration of patriotism and love of nation. heh, yeah.
These hot nights bring out the extreme nocturnal needs in this fiend, and there is no way I am going to sleep before 4 tonight. The cooling air is calling me out onto the deck for a little star gazing and writing, perhaps my Red will be looming up my way for a visit. This is our kind of night.
current mood:  curious
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| Thursday, July 4th, 2002
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10:30 am
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How the hell am I going to venture out in this kind of sun? Wet towel at the ready and draped over my head; where is my big black parasol? 70 SPF sunscreen, got it. Thinking cool cool cucumbers (not you Dylan!) and ice cubes and large shady oaks. Yes, I revel in the heat at night, but it is the nasty gaseous orb in the sky that drains me.
I'll repeat my inquiry to all of you with digital cameras. Are there any you particularly like or dislike, all opinions welcome, as I am old school as photographer and this would be my first venture into digital photography. I want the convenience as well as the freedom to shape my results and not depend on chemicals or sending out for developing in another's generic hands. I don't wish to spend the whole bundle on something right away, by the end of the year I will be ready for a dream camera, but for now I want something I can use right away that is convenient to have with me always, facilitates storage and transfers, etc. Your favourites, your peeves? Write in please. I'll likely break open the card tomorrow.
Amusing to see that some things never change around here, it's only a matter of time before you find yourself on the wrong side. English Mike understands, as does any gardener, even plants are political, sometimes it's best for something so sour to just die off already, let something better grow in place.
Hamlet is coming to the Publick Theatre this summer, must find out more! That's my evening hangout and private stage, I'd love to see a production there, eventually do one myself.
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2:40 am
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Leila and Scamp joined me for a walk down the Commonwealth Avenue grassy promenade to the Boston Public Gardens and the n the Boston Common for a refreshing soak in the wading pool. I adore wading pools, always have, and I will go out of my way to find one, especially with a fountain (this one lacked a fountain but was very clean, if shallow). A blissful evening of great conversation, we could have talked and laughed into the morning. Little Scamper even overcame his waterfear and waded out to me after pacing the edge anxiously as I walked toward the center. I'll be back there a lot this summer, it's a great little spot, I could have danced...
The peace was broken with the drunken rantings of a group of fighting vagabonds, and the police were soon upon them, we left with one of the stinking women out in the water preaching of armegeddon and resisting arrest, but we left before they got her.
Conversations with Leila are always their own reward, she has an insight and sense of humour very similar to mine, good energy. A friend like this is not to be taken lightly.
We then walked along the river and I showed them my various favourite spots I enjoy when out alone or on my bike, and we were approached by a perv wanting to masturbate close to us, asking formal permission. A bit oogy, but laughable. I've seen it all.
Boston just dies way too early. Tonight was the perfect night to be out, much cooler and breezy by night, the night before a holiday, and yet we saw little else but pervs, star gazing couples, and the occasional cyclist. In a way it's nice to have all that to ourselves, but I do miss the crowds on promenades, the cafe and community feel of so many other waterfront areas in various cities.
Fireworks tomorrow!
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| Sunday, June 30th, 2002
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5:34 pm
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It is difficult to live as I really wish in this day, age, and place. A car instead of a horse, no land or beautiful view, no balcony from which I could look down on eternity. Everything is so artificial and limiting, right down to the labels we give ourselves and others.
I came close not too long ago, close to defying the times again and living the life of my dreams in the ruins of an old castle before disaster and the loss of a real friend, and the dream comes back to haunt still, why not?
Find a place with land and amenities where we all could live in ample space and contribute what we can, rebuild into a modern day castle estate, rebuild the idea of family, have our horses, housepets, motor cars, and endless views, hold grand parties and open picnics with dancing under the stars, a film, art, costume, and music studio built in for our creative needs and perhaps added income. Yes, it all sounds ratehr "hippy", but I harken back to an earlier time, a time of Princes and Ladies, both savage and genteel at once, when people took interest and pride in the small details of life that make it so fascinating to us all now. I know of similar cooperatives around, mainly centered around theatre, just none with the style and theme I have in mind.
Something tells me this is quite feasible, just not here. That's fine, I'll keep saving and keep looking at the areas in mind, and if I can gather enough talented and willing people for this kind of regal cooperative, we'll have the means to do this. Where, I do not know, but this year might just tell me, or begin to narrow the choices.
Just putting this plan in print is the reminder I need, it is too easy to forget one's deepest dreams in the harried pace of life.
current music: Gladiator soundtrack
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2:27 pm
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I did manage to take a long walk among the snaky Mountain Laurels at Maudslay Estate before the sun began to take it's toll and I had to return, now I must renew my energy via a nap before heading out again later, perhaps more lifting at the gym and a bike ride once the sun goes down, but mostly setting up the studio and a massive cleanup of the spoils from 3 very busy weeks.
The walking gave me the clarity I needed to put everything in persective once again, it always does at that estate, where I can wander the shady bridges and hidden pathways and gardens and ponder without time, visit my energy hotspots, and regain perspective so easily lost in the whirlwind of life in summer. Even if I can't yet pack up and move, I have been meeting many great new people both here in the area and here on LiveJournal and I welcome them all and more. Big change from last year indeed and so much on the horizon I just want to share it again.
Well, off to peruse the friends' list and then a nap. I will indeed be at Ceremony tomorrow evening, driving in straight from work, and English Michael will be there, hopefully many more. Remember, the place is free before 9:30.
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9:03 am
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Up far too early, but with a northern bound mission in mind, working through my elaborate sunscreen ritual now. Later today will be the extensive moving around of furniture, and hopefully, the setting up of the music studio.
Last night I had (still have) the nagging feeling that there is something going on that I should know. I've sadly been seldom wrong about this, though I keep hoping I am, and by the time I find out it is often too late to allay the damage. forgiveness is one thing, but trust must be built brick by brick. I like to think friends know better than to stoop so low and risk so much, especially with so much else around to occupy the mind. I leave all that to those who are practiced, who live to comment on and point out the faults of others so they won't be scrutinized too closely.
Awoke today with wanderlust, I've been feeling the urge to do some traveling again. For the last decade I barely traveled, only brief weekend trips, organizational stalking kills that desire pretty well. It's back, but now the goal is to find the time, or just pop away on little jaunts here and again.
I am here for my friends and for my work, and because of these I will be here for a few years more, having found some interesting outlets for my talents, but I have already begun to plot for my next move. Living in the fishbowl has gotten old, I'd like the freedom to meet people without the baggage and the Greek Chorus that always bites me in the back. I want the anonymity of another area, at least at first, where I can be seen clearly and judged on my actions and words and not some old crazy tales and the vindictive drama that people need to spin, that will never die, not followed relentlessly by the baggage bandwagon.
Again, I am feeling quite good these days and I am not going to pack up my bags tomorrow, but I've lived in many places, and I haven't found nearly this much segregation, politics, and need for drama as I'd stumbled upon here in the past decade, so unimportant to the rest of the world but woven deeply into the lives of many a friend. Yes, I am a magnet for it, don't think I don't understand that, but I no longer can pretend to care, and so I ignore and sometimes revel in the trivial taunts and lies and turn to those who understand and are ready to do more than talk, who don't need a negative reason to get up off their arse and live. I may have even found people with whom I would be willing to travel, hehehe, me, who always travels alone.
Speaking of, I must be off now, the road is calling and another fine day lies ahead.
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| Saturday, June 29th, 2002
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12:26 am
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Last night we did venture to the coffee time at Diesel Cafe and had a great time with a fun and eer revolving group of people. Though Thursdays for me are usually busy, I do try to get there once in a while, as I will still.
This morning I embarked with Leila, Todd, and Dylan on the Ferry to Provincetown, where we spent 13 hours exploring, people watching,and shopping. The Catamaran was extremely fast and thus windy, but who could mind, racing along as we were, with views of the Boston Harbor Islands and their respective fortresses. The Whydah Pirate Museum was awating us the moment we got off the ferry and was informative and interesting.
I found a black leather jacket - motorcycle style - for a very good sale price, and some stones and oils (Snake and French Cajun, though to smell like a French Cajun is hardly enticing). The scent is far better than it sounds. I found a beautiful Moonstone and Garnet ring to slowly expand my ring collection with only the most beautiful and enticing rings, of course.
One shop in particular - Forbidden Fruit - carried the most amazing assortment of art, statuary, and antiques I have seen in a LONG time, and I will certainly be driving there in the off season/ on an off day to load up the car with all that I want from this store. The owners were very personable and certainly seemed to know about every product they carry (likely they do). Fron this store today, however, I did manage to snag a beautiful Walking Stick carved into a serpent from one piece, it is remarkable, this stick. We'll be back for sure.
There was a Portugese event today in Provincetown with festive music and street performers, and behind all this we found the Pilgrim Tower, which we had seen upon arriving, and inside which we climbed the endless stairs to reach the top of this tall and very thin tower, complte with Gargoyles way on high watching out for the people below and outside all this.
We visited the ocean and did a little wading at one point, and though it was cloudy for most of the day, I still wore the 75 SPF sunblock, and as a result I again failed to burn or even tan. the stuff works, and smells of coconut, how can one go wrong.
Anyway, I will close now, as the sun did drain me a bit, as my feet are paining me, and I need to recharge for the next two days (off!). Yes, June is nearly over, le sigh....
from gorgeous months to the dog days of summer.
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| Tuesday, June 25th, 2002
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9:39 pm - Return to the dance
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I returned to Ballet Theatre today after a 2 month break, during which I seriously reconsidered my desire to dance. Though I missed Molly and my friends there terribly, I needed to be sure that I wasn't dancing because it was expected of me, that I really wanted to be there. For now, I do want to dance, but not at the fever pitch I once had. Dance was my escape and expression while I rebuilt froma serious injury and difficult time, something that evolved naturally from within and with training became a language unto itself. However, I do not want a ballet career, no matter how many think I can do it. Performances here and there perhaps, but what I want is to use my dance and choreography in photographs, films, and theatrical performances... to pursue aerial dance and resume the martial arts training that I have been missing intensely.
It all comes together intomovement and presence, none an end unto itself, but all a part of a whole. Ballet has a place it this, of course, as to deny an obvious gift is to deny the self. Two months away and I had lost nothing, and even had better turns, and the lack of worn joints led to the return of powerful jumps. The muscle memory could use some sharpening, and my back is a tad stiffer from the weight lifting, but otherwise it was as if I had never left and only gotten stronger.
Molly, my ballet teacher and friend, is looking at apartments in my neighborhood, and that could mean that Dennis Raphael could show me some Spanish Guitar technique regularly. His band, Gitano, is superb if any of you are into Gypsy music, he is a brilliant guitarist.
The lenses are finally in, I am completey happy with them. I immediately dumped my old suntacts, feeling almost a pang of sadness as I did, five years of almost constant use is not too shabby ... the new suntacts are a different style, less expensive for me, the glare shield is lighter and spread across the entire lens, interestingly negating the colour and giving my eyes the grey tint everyone assumes I have. The other pair is only barely tinted for glare reduction and thus looks true to colour, albeit a little stronger. My naked eyes lie in between the two.
Well, I should be off to resume where I left off last night before going maurauding so late.
current mood:  creative
current music: Schubert Lieder sung by young men in leiderhosen.
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| Sunday, June 23rd, 2002
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11:54 pm
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Writing amidst much noise at Midnight, awfully strange for this city, must be summer, or at least it is at my place.
I will not be able to make Ceremony tomorrow, as much as I'd like to celebrate with Anisa and her pallid twin :~P I have too much to do tomorrow, and I'll be going out to the MFA and other places this week with the dahling duo, so I have to make time while I can.
Today was spent with Todd, Leila, Dylan, and Scamper at the Temple NH farm of a friend and a host of other equestrians from the EquineSite, a local equestrian bulletin board and community site. I had a marvelous time, met a huge number of great people I've only known through the site, saw Gil the White 32 year old Arab gelding who can still float about the paddock like a young steed, as well as a Belgian mare and a Spanish Barb gelding, many dogs for scamper to play with, and a wee goat. There was a beautiful pictorial tribute to Shali, the hostess's Arab horse who recently passed away after an illness and a wrenching time for the woman who had had her since she was a child.
There was a "yankee swapping" meet, where my unused and too small for me Ariat Field Boots (bought for a friend who never did get around to riding and thus have sat in my closet for years) were coveted by all and in the end went to someone who would appreciate and use them well, while I won a blood red saddle pad and lead rope. How perfect for me, though of course I've just remembered I left them at Leila's place. D'OH! Everyone there was singularly interesting and great fun, and now I have stories and faces to place with the names, and many new friends.
The woman whose mother ended up with the boots is a trainer and riding instructor and has a farm in Belchertown. They have many beautiful horses, and one black draft horse who is a throwback to the Medieval charger; she suggested I would be perfect for him, and invited me to come and ride him, and as thanks for the boots they'd give me some lessons on him. Hell yes!
After the scenic drive home, we retired to Leila and Todd's place to relax on the back porch and watch The Princess Bride. I do remember watching it years ago, but I must have been asleep as I only recall two parts in the entire movie. I enjoyed it very much, and here I am, entertaining as always and ready to take the bike out for some maurauding in a few.
The Castle claims me from 7 to 5:30 until Thursday, and I'll manage to find my way across the river to Ballet Theatre for 2 or three of the days. The MFA is a must for Wednesday, and a possible visit to the Deisel for Coffee on Thursday. I do wish Anisa was staying longer, but we'll have a great week while we have her. Another fine artist for our ranks.
current mood:  good
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| Friday, June 21st, 2002
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12:43 am - Starting early...
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Wouldn't you like to know? (cut to eeevil grin here) It IS the 21st now, some of you will, for tonight is the night by default, and because tomorrow evening I will be roasting peo, errr, Moosemeat and reveling in the company of fiends from all walks and roads.
I caught a woman driving with one finger up her nose today, some kind of cell phone tuning aid? Surely she wasn't picking.
current mood: naughty
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| Wednesday, June 19th, 2002
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9:16 pm
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Ahhh, back I am from the Castle, where the ten hours absolutely flew by today. I could have stayed another two hours, but..nahhhhh! There is cleaning to do and South Park to watch!
Right now there is a television special listing various creepy critters, maggots coming up, now focusing on Leeches... they suck.
(booooo!)
******
I guess I have been having so much fun lately with various friends that I would like the fun to spread, to spill forth over the lines, but I've been finding lately those who just seem bent on feuds and holding onto rifts both real and imagined, or various destructive issues, as if their very lives depend on their having someone/something to rail against, a villain for the motivation they should have within themselves, artificial self made barriers that do nothing but get in the way. Boring.
So many, too many, trapped by transparent self and social barriers, people who, in a different place and time, in a different situation, might be fabulous friends, but are stunted by insubstantial fears, peer pressure, and taboos. What are we missing? Yes, just like back in school days, unfortunately. I enjoy talking to interesting people, whether or not I see them again, whether or not their friends are my friends, and we eventually find our own level, to be shared with others who are of like mind and soul, and others who just happen to click. I find there is entirely too much prejudice, and I mean by that prejudging without seeing firsthand. I won't deign to even repeat some of the nasty things I've heard about many of those I now have as close friends. If I had listened, I would be a lonely man. I go beyond, and I've found talents and minds well worth knowing where others were afraid to look, outside the narrow boundaries of various "scenes". I take chances, and sometimes I pay for that, but what I have is worth more than all of that. Social scenes are much the same from one to another, I like to find the people who aren't so ruled.
Do we ever remember the good times, the many times we were helped or when we offered help, received an unsolicited kind word, a spontaneous compliment, or gave one, without expecting a return, without feeling obligated. Most remember only the negatives, perhaps makes things easier, but it leaves one bitter and the relationships for naught. I guess what I am saying here is, people now as always make much ado over nothing, and are none the better for it. Find what really makes you tick, and all of that will just fall away.
current mood: good
current music: Lisa Gerrard
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6:41 pm - Straight from the Castle
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I am finally going to get some new contact lenses tomorrow, exam set for afternoon. The ones I wear now are 5 years old, I can't go more than 10 hours in them without eye pain, blurriness, and irritation. I hope all the light training I've done shows itself when he shines the light directly into the eye, that is hell for me, and I've often asked that my arms be strapped into the chair, the direct light hurts terribly.
******
It must be a rule of thumb somewhere; every time things are going well, someone will find a way to ruin the fun. Boredom? The need for attention, sympathy? Human nature? Damaging and obvious patterns resume when suspicion, defensiveness, and assumption take over, or when things become difficult. A second chance abused, and this time being strongly ignored by me. I can easily do without the aggravation, and I won't lie to keep the peace. I've seen enough of what negativity, dishonesty, and drama can wreak this year, and while I will forgive many things and many times, there is the point of no return, where it becomes fruitless and apparent that I am just being used. Those who do not learn from history are condemned to repeat it, a common saying, but seldom heeded. This is not what friendship is about, the complications, blame, backbiting, drama, and I am more than willing to leave behind anyone who takes advantage of me or the friendship, who can't yet think outside their own needs. Frankly, I have more than enough good friends whom I *can* trust, and no need to waste time on those who would backbite at the first sign of trouble. Some people seem to need someone to fight or act against in order to get anything done. This doesn't lead to trust and I am uninterested whether or not you make me the villian of convenience. If I can't trust you, there is no way I want to spend time around you. Simple as that. Amen.
******
Tonight I shall try to organize the Friday evening BBQ at Leial and Todd's place, the Saturday evening WaterFire jaunt, and the Sunday EquineSite BBQ trip... busy busy busy, and no, I STILL have yet to play with the music software, just haven't had the time...yet. Once I dive in, however, I know the floodgates will be broken and I will want to be at the keyboard daily.
******
South Park hourlong special tonight, one of the episodes being the "most notorious", I assume at the usual time this evening.
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| Sunday, June 16th, 2002
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11:34 pm - Salem Fires
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...is faring very well, they deserve the good that is going to come along if they stay the course.
I would like to think I am not rare in this ... I get excited when a friend succeeds or shows great potential, even as colleagues, even as rivals in some cases. I don't suffer from the delusions that I am, or have to be, the best to do what I do. I know my talents, and I am confident enough to take chances, but I learn from others as I learn from myself, and I enjoy the works and talents of others, not just my own. I am the one writing surreptitous reviews under pen names and my own to boost their careers if they are worthy, I am the one trying to help in any way I can, buying their work, selling it or publicizing it. I want us all to reach our dreams, and I will help if allowed the chance, and often without waiting for this chance. I support my friends' endeavors both financially and with every resource I have available. I can't "do" it for them, but I'll help. I have my own dreams and projects, for which I expect nothing, but always enjoy a similar support from friends and colleagues.
There is too much jealousy, backbiting, and competition among artists, the rotten fruits of those who feel innately inadequate and would rather tear down their "rivals" than enjoy their success or talents for what they are or step up to the challenge by elevating their own work. I've lost friends who couldn't get past this competition issue, who only sought to bring me and other perceived "rivals" down in any way possible, often just as I was doing what I could to help them. What they don't understand is that artistic skill is common and easy enough to produce and create, there are always many out there doing the same thing we are, that what they do is not original but what they bring to it IS, each of us can only give a glimpse into an original soul, can only try to leave our own stamp on our work.
It is this desire to help friends along in their careers, the excitement I get when friends do well, that caused me to do just what I had vowed never to do, even while hearing myself repeat the mantra. I ceased working at some things I loved, I convinced myself I no longer loved these things, that others loved them more and so why should I when so much else called. Too many times I was told that others felt like they were living in my shadow, and I let it get to me, I dimmed my own light to give them a shot, and in the end it was worthless, just as I always knew it to be. It was my own decision and my own fault. I'm no martyr and I make no claims at being righteous or all-good, and now I just want to reclaim all these lost passions, embrace them in freedom. There are no limits anymore except those which I set upon myself. I have the tools, I have the equipment, it's in my blood, and I only have to resume where I left of, no longer is there reason to defer the skills I've honed and want to use. Yes I'm good, and I'll be out there to show it.
******
Last night was nearly neverending at the Castle, I did get to leave at 11 once we determined that there was no one around to get us the tests, but I was rewarded today, after coming back in for 7 (AM!) when I was told I "had" to leave by 2:30 because I am salaried. Doesn't require saying that twice! I was truly tired and slept for 6 hours, so now I will be gleefully up all night, likely out wandering and writing, despite the cold. Inspiration is inspiration.
Just finished talking to one of the oldest friends I have, not on LJ (funny how I feel the need to qualify that, as if it is some kind of important) now living across this country, but a long time friend I first met when riding with GM across countries so many years ago. He lost his lover and moved here for a new start, but over on the other coast. We talked for far too long, and my bill is going to be insanely high this month, but that is what I deserve for not visiting this last opportunity. The new job made it impossible, and I do manage to visit every now and again. After the strange and often hellish world spanning whirl of the 1980s, because of my last job through most of the 1990s, I have developed some odd travel habits, I had to adjust my traveling/visiting style from long jaunts and the book-worthy "road trips" around (never across) the country to slipping away for 3 and 4 day mini-visits, weekend trips on standby seats when I could get them. They had become my private pleasure, often my only escape from the relentless demands of the world at the time. I took along a few very special people once in a while, and even then I wished I was alone. Three days is not a long time, I wanted to visit my people and places, wanted to explore and flit about, not act as tour guide. Wherever I am, I prefer to delve right in and live as if I lived there, not see places from a bus or hotel room, but firsthand. I've spent enough time always on the run here and there and living out of hotel rooms to have this aversion to them still. I need to lose that aversion, hotels can be nice...working on it. I'll never be able to tour with my music and performances if I don't.
It is a negative holdover from the hell of the 1980s, from being stalked. I don't want anyone to know where I am going until I get there, or until I am back, safe. How odd is that, I have trouble talking about these trips, I feel like I am giving away part of my privacy, knowing full well that isn't so.
My private pleasure, mine alone, something no one can own but me. I know now that I need to forget all that and just learn to enjoy, take some trips just for fun, just for me. In time...
Yes, it is nigh time to stop editing myself around past circumstances that no longer apply to life, evenif it is something I merely do out of habit, or something that once brought me small windows of what I now have in abundance.
current mood: creative
current music: Monteverdi
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| Saturday, June 15th, 2002
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8:46 pm
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It is past 8:30, and yet here I am, looming in the darkened windows of the Castle-over-the-Charles, looking onto said river as I type, wondering when I can escape, or should I just go play shadow puppets and forget the rest. One of the tests is late, as a pump failure of some sort delayed everything, and I can't leave until it is done. Ah well, the price to pay for the nice fee I will be getting for this, or a little more time off to play.
I did remember to tune to the Bats In The Belfry show tonight, and managed to just miss "Shadowlounge", Wulf and Eleanor's project. I did then catch the beautiful song "Take Me" from Salem Fires, of which our own Mike Bernier is the drummer. Beautiful recording of that song, Krista's acrobatic, flowing voice is such a pleasure to hear, so much drone and clone seems to permeate the genre these days. I look forward to hearing the CD with must eagerness. They are all at the house of the Randy Mann for a party tonight, and I am here, working, of course. grrrr. think of the money think of the money think of the money, 25% over my salary for this day, and shadow puppets in the windows. Jealous yet?
I do hope I can make the movie tonight, as it is cold and damp and I don't feel like riding tonight.
I escaped earlier for the Riverfest today right across the river, it was suitably drab and my eyes didn't suffer at all, though it was a dull fair, more like hippie central.
Well, nothing more to report, except that I am going to wander the halls in search of stray tests, and other things that go bump in the night. Oh wait, that's ME!
current mood:  restless
current music: Gospel bands and Zydeco
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